Wherever they stood. Maintaining unblinking eye contact with whoever else is in the room no doubt.
“Today we’ll be learning about the… hnnf… >fart< aah, the properties of snakeroot.”
Like okay fine you want to say no PLUMBING I’m with you. You want to say that until more recently the bathrooms were just indoor outhouses and they made house elves vanish all the shit a few times a day? Cool. But to say there were no bathrooms, that they just shit themselves wherever they happened to be?
And when do you learn the shit-vanishing spell? It would have to be day one right? But that sounds like a hard spell, way harder than the stuff they were doing at first. And even the simple stuff was hard at first, halfway through the year they were having trouble (not Hermione obviously but in general). Do the younger kids just shit on the floor and leave it? Do they have to go get someone to clean it?
This is what happens when your worldbuilding is bad and then you try to fix it with the first idea that pops into your head.
To be honest I wouldn’t call it bad world building as people would shit in Versailles in corners and in the gardens so often that the palace earned the title of filthiest place from foreign dignitaries as it constantly smelled awful.
Having wizards vanish out their waste because they’re shitting wherever isn’t necessarily bad world building because they shit wherever, but because they care enough to make it actually vanish, bringing their hygiene standards to higher levels than what was commonly witnessed at that time.
It’s not bad worldbuilding, just accurately British. The idea of pissing and shitting yourself just makes more sense for them, historically.
(it’s bad worldbuilding, fam. Imagine taking a hot shit mid conversation. You can vanish it as it comes out your ass or no but that’s not a thing you do in front of people, just fucking have bowel movements mid conversation, face to face, what the fucking hell)
My other question: the basilisk was underneath Hogwarts for centuries, and was traveling around via pipes in the castle during the book, right?
So, when they were building the pipes into the castle, did some worker just accidentally connect the whole network to a mysterious chamber they accidentally stumbled on, and just decided “That’s not a me problem” and didn’t tell anyone…
Or were these pipes put into place by Salazar Slytherin centuries earlier, like a basalisk-style habitrail, and it wasn’t until the 18th century that wizards thought, hey, what if we use these for plumbing?
Honestly I REALLY love the idea of some construction worker tunneling his way into the chamber of secrets and being like “Oh, ANOTHER super secret death chamber, goddammit, I was hoping to be home for dinner with Marsha, but form 37b’s take Forever to fill out properly, and if I make a mistake on it Todd is gonna be all over my ass again”
So our group was in a 4e campaign and we had just released a trapped dragon in order to kill it and prevent it from becoming a menace. The dragonborn fighter gets ready to attack while the feyling sorcerer cowers behind. Our human psion/monk (we’re still not entirely sure) is just hanging out on the side, having just joined after missing the last session. Meanwhile the shardmind bard and paladin NPC are running as fast as they can to help us in the fight.
DM: The dragon appears in human form, she seems confused.
Fighter: I’m sorry for this after you’ve just woken up, dragon, but you threaten this realm and must be eliminated.
Dragon: Well ok, I guess if I must defend myself…
The fighter is impatient and she charges, attacking.
Dragon: well that was rude!
Psion: Yeah, what the heck? Why are we even fighting her, she seems cool.
Fighter: Dude, you weren’t there when we read the…
Psion: I run up and hug her.
DM: I’m sorry, what? Uhh, I mean I guess that would work for what she’s about, so roll a persuasion check.
Psion: *nat 20*
Dragon: *crit fails*
DM: So she looks at the psion and smiles, she strokes his chin a bit and says “well at least one of you has manners.”
The entire table loses their fucking minds.
Sorcerer: Dude you’re gonna fuck a dragon
Fighter: Did you just end the fight by bedding the boss? YOU’RE NOT EVEN THE BARD!
Bard: I don’t even…
We then ally with this nice dragon and the psion gets an amazing night. The dragonborn fighter is shook, now suddenly wondering where her race comes from.
We were playing Dread, and the three players are hiding in the corner of a gas station. When a suspicious man that looks like the father of one of the characters walks in and tries to talk to them, two of them(Val and Gertie) arm themselves with a mop and a broom, while the third(Emmet) takes a big slim jim for lack of any other weapon.
Suspicious Man: I really am your father, Gertie.
Val: No way, I’ve heard that before. I’ve seen that movie, we’re not going Dark Side.
Gertie: I like both my hands where they are, thank you!
Emmet: do we get lightsabers, though?
Suspicious Man: you already have a vegan slim jim, what more do you want?!
A Rogue, Paladin, Monk, and their guide are traveling to a lost city of riches
DM: You are stopped by a wall of about 200 zombies.
Human Paladin: I walk slowly toward the wall… and start dancing.
*Rolls 16.
DM: some of the zombies start to dance alomg with you, but not all of them, unless you get some backup dancers.
Human Rogue: I reluctantly dance along.
*Rolls 14.
DM: Almost all of them are dancing, you only need one more dancer.
*Kenku Monk rolls, gets an 8
DM: Some of the zombies stop due to the confusion the Kenku brought to the dance.
Guide: Fine, guess I’ll also reluctantly dance along
*Rolls 12
DM: All the zombies start dancing along. After a minute, they all suddenly stop. They raise their hands up into the air, turn around, and flail as they run toward your destination.
Paladin, running with them: I AM THE ZOMBIE MASTER!
A Rogue, Paladin, Monk, and their guide are traveling to a lost city of riches
DM: You are stopped by a wall of about 200 zombies.
Human Paladin: I walk slowly toward the wall… and start dancing.
*Rolls 16.
DM: some of the zombies start to dance alomg with you, but not all of them, unless you get some backup dancers.
Human Rogue: I reluctantly dance along.
*Rolls 14.
DM: Almost all of them are dancing, you only need one more dancer.
*Kenku Monk rolls, gets an 8
DM: Some of the zombies stop due to the confusion the Kenku brought to the dance.
Guide: Fine, guess I’ll also reluctantly dance along
*Rolls 12
DM: All the zombies start dancing along. After a minute, they all suddenly stop. They raise their hands up into the air, turn around, and flail as they run toward your destination.
Paladin, running with them: I AM THE ZOMBIE MASTER!
A Rogue, Paladin, Monk, and their guide are traveling to a lost city of riches
DM: You are stopped by a wall of about 200 zombies.
Human Paladin: I walk slowly toward the wall… and start dancing.
*Rolls 16.
DM: some of the zombies start to dance alomg with you, but not all of them, unless you get some backup dancers.
Human Rogue: I reluctantly dance along.
*Rolls 14.
DM: Almost all of them are dancing, you only need one more dancer.
*Kenku Monk rolls, gets an 8
DM: Some of the zombies stop due to the confusion the Kenku brought to the dance.
Guide: Fine, guess I’ll also reluctantly dance along
*Rolls 12
DM: All the zombies start dancing along. After a minute, they all suddenly stop. They raise their hands up into the air, turn around, and flail as they run toward your destination.
Paladin, running with them: I AM THE ZOMBIE MASTER!
